Experienced Drinker Spills Beer

ANNECY, NY (AP)—Larry Andrews didn’t pay any special attention to the location of his beer when he pulled the wallet from his pocket last night at the Shipyard, a bar serving the white-collar labor force of inner-harbor Annecy.

An experienced drinker, Andrews spilled his beer while attempting to share photos of his newborn son that he has carried in his wallet since the boy’s birth three weeks ago.

“I knew I was taking a chance when I put the beer on the sidebar instead of just passing it to my other hand,” Andrews said. “But it’s a move I’ve made a hundred times, never any problem. I don’t know what happened this time.”

Andrews has not experienced a spill this devastating in years. Many other bar regulars have begun to question whether Andrews is in good enough condition to compete with the younger drinkers.

“It was pretty sad,” bar owner Tommy McCoy said. “Larry’s the kind of guy you see around here all the time, a real regular, and he never draws attention to himself. No spills, no yelling. You kind of respect that. Then something like this happens.”

Andrews insisted that his accident was a unique event and is not likely to recur.

“I can’t deny it was a pretty big hit to take, especially since the beer spilled down the side of my shorts,” Andrews said. “But, you know, I haven’t been out in a while. I’ve been taking care of my wife during her pregnancy. You can’t fault me for being out of shape. Of course I’m out of shape, I’m just coming back into the drinking arena.”

Despite the unfortunate spill, Andrews insisted that he would continue to drink. His biggest challenge may be taking future risks. He will no doubt play the game carefully as long as the memory of last night’s spill remains fresh in his mind.

Fellow drinker Albert Richardson said that the spill has been blown out of proportion. Insisting that Andrews has been unfairly targeted by members of the media and the bar staff, Richardson said, “I feel like there were a lot of good competitors out there, Larry included. Ultimately, I’m just excited to take part.”

While attention will no doubt focus on Andrews in the near future, there still exists the possibility that he can fully regain his respect among the community of drinkers at the Shipyard. However, the threat of future spills may not be the only difficulty Larry Andrews faces in years to come.

“I feel bad for Larry,” said co-worker John Schleck. “Not about the beer, though. I mean, that was one fucking ugly kid.”